comic relief, red nose day or the sop to our collective conscience

 

fuck me do i hate comic relief.

i find it obscene.

i resent being made to feel like a cross between james hewitt and hitler for stating this opinion, for turning my nose up at the phallanx of bucket wielding happyclappers invading my personal space with japes, stunterry, shitty jokes and bile-inducing positivity.

not to mention the false, sanctimonity of slebs guilting me into donations.

i’d ask first what the cost is of flying famous morons and self righteous millionaires to be filmed in front of famine victims, aids ridden mothers, war ravaged amputees, special needs pupils, you know all the things generally yet beautifully set-designed, framed and mis-en-scened to bullyingly squeeze tears and coins from you.

is it productive?

is it effective?

there’s a fine line between publicity and self-publicising.

but hell i’m sure there’s a perfectly charitable reason for moyles and cole (and the hundred odd hangers-on, technical folk and health and safety experts) pretending to climb a mountain for ten fucking days.  can’t think what it is though.

don’t misunderstand me.  i love charity.  i donate.  i voluntary work(ed) out of the goodness of my little black heart for years.  gimme a second to bask in the warm glow of yr appreciation…

it makes me uneasy the thought of mugging beeb contracters gooning and gurning on teevee under some pretence of charidee while parts of the world are utterly utterly fucked and at a guess are utterly utterly uninterested in whether fern cotton makes it to the top of kilimanjaro.  frankly if they took moyles cole and her up there and fucking left them i’d happily hand over a wad of cash.  but that’s a personal gripe…

all of the above really is just a cowsarejustfood moan.

the crux, objectively is thus:

the reason i’m given for the collective appease-a-thon is that no matter what, it raises awareness.  like everything else can be excused by publicity.

obviously there’s no need to specify beyond this vague sense of awareness. but does it really raise awareness of anything other than the comic relief brand (which frankly is all it is, a fucking brand) and awareness of whatever’s popular on bbcwhatever and itv?  i’m sure james fucking corden and the other skinny one will be well represented tonight.  i’m sure some community group in suffolk will be grateful for the youth club shack built for them.  i’m sure.

what i object to is the unthinking handing over of two quid, twice a year. because that’s as much awareness is raised.  comic relief.  children in need. here’s the change from my pocket.  i’m absolved of reponsibility to my fellow humans for another year.  thanks gervais, henry, stars of coronation street re-enacting the dresden bombing to comedy musical numbers by girls aloud.

fuck y’all. 

give yr money and, muchmuch preferable, time and effort to some local charity.  they’ll appreciate, require, need it so much more than some huge vague congolomerate of national niceness.  it’s not that there’s anything particularly wrong with the concept of charity of giving, of empathy, of awareness.  it’s just that a night of light entertainment is probably not the best way to go about it.

anyways, enjoy yr evening of self congratulatory masturbation as much as i’ve enjoyed a dangerous combo of ginger wine, whisky, budvar and gin.

peace out motherfuckers.

• mr bungle: sweet charity
• flaming lips: the strange design of conscience

p.s. there’ll be music on here shortly.   just seems to be a lot of shit out there annoying me this week…