the jackhammers: the vale: glasgow

this is not roxy music.

this is not well heeled and girlish.

it’s stupid ugly music. stupider and uglier than josef fritzl.  they might well rehearse in some incestuous hell-cellar for all i know.

like the crucifucks without brains (don’t be fooled by the amusingly titled tourettes lautrec).

like the germs without darby.

like the circle jerks without the drugs and alcohol.

like selfish cunt without the hoxton pose and lyrical nous.

ha fucking ha.

all (and none) of this shit is true.  ’specially the selfish cunt part.

i dropped iq points standing at the bar drinking a heineken.  it took only three and a half minutes to bang through about fifteen songs, each one stupider and uglier than the last.

everything starts with four clicks of the drumsticks, contains three chords and is bellowed into a megaphone for about a minute.  everybody’s cockpuppet is the title of a song.  need i say more.

would i recommend them to your mother?  sure.  if yr mother’s a toothless skeezy skank.

would i direct you towards their myspace?  sure.  if you can’t tell right from wrong.

would i tell you to go see them?  sure.  if you have a spare fifteen minutes and enjoy a spot of ear-rape.

have a few beers. 

i did.

enjoy the ear-rape, that is.

the beer was lukewarm.

• mudhoney: you give me the creeps (crucifucks)
• the germs: what we do is secret
• circle jerks: world up my ass
• black flag: i don’t care

 jackhammersspace