i am legend: really short review

lessons learned from movies part one:

meddling with nature is against gods will.

ya’ll hear me now.

gawd will punish heathenous science with big sticks, stillshit cgi (why bother with this computery nonsense until it stops looking like a cartoon?) and dog killings.

trying to cure cancer can only result in unnecessarily sinisterly named emma thompson (dr krippin) wiping out of ninetynine% of the population.  and killing will smiths dog.

it’s not that it was bad.  it generally wasn’t.  it builds slowly, sinisterly, piece by piece in flashback.  it’s loud.  then quiet.  then REALLY FUCKING LOUD again.  there’s tension, a really sweet car and for the ladies (and gay-illy inclined gentlemen) our will gets his top off and exercises his tortured muscles.  chuck in some supercokedup vampire zombies and you should have a big dumb hit.  but once again a film entirely ruined in the last ten minutes with its tacked on unconvincing religious allegories and christ redeemer posturing.  will smith is jeebus.  believe that a man can go from denying god to being our saviour in five minutes due to a butterfly tattoo.  after killing his dog.

if george romero taught us one thing it was that apocalypse scenarios should never ever ever have happy endings where humanity comes together in a churchy small village and starts again.  no.  fuckers. this is how it works.  it all falls apart.  everything’s fucked.  then it gets much worse.  and then when you think it’s gonna be alright everyone dies.  at the hands of aids ridden zombies.

suprisingly no masturbation scenes either in a film with a guy alone in new york for three years.

who kills his dog.